Reading Love Questions
Love is the subject tarot is asked about most. When a card lands in a love question, its emphasis shifts toward what is happening between two people, and this page explains how that shift works.
First, take the question apart
"Do they like me?", "Will we end up together?" and "Should I break up?" all sound like love questions, but they are really three kinds of question.
State questions ask about right now. What are they thinking, what are we at this point? These questions want a picture, so read the cards as the other person's current state of mind and actions. A three-card spread such as Three Aspects is enough, or the "their side" card in the Lover’s Cross.
Direction questions ask about the trend. What will happen to us, is there any chance of getting back together? These questions want a trend plus the conditions it depends on: "It will get better, provided you soften first." Use Flow of Time, or Venus Love for a long-term relationship.
Choice questions ask you to pick a side. Should I keep going, should I confess my feelings, which one should I choose? These questions need a clear leaning; even if both options look bad, give branches based on conditions. Use The Choice and read the two paths side by side.
Once the question is taken apart, choose the spread, so that the meanings of the positions match the answer you need. For how to turn a concern into a precise question, see How to Ask a Question; for relationship spreads in detail, see Relationship Spreads.
One more thing needs to be settled first. When you ask what someone else is thinking, the cards read how that person shows up in your relationship. That is only part of who they are. Being cold toward you does not make them a cold person. For the limits of responsibility, see The Ethics of Reading.
What the cards outside the Cups say about love
Beginners tend to look only at the Cups. In fact each of the four suits covers its own part of a relationship, and whatever part is missing in the cards is missing in the relationship.
Wands are passion and initiative. Who is pursuing, who is pushing, is the fire still burning? The Ace of Wands is the spark of a relationship just catching: there is attraction, but it has no shape yet. The Two of Wands is standing still and thinking about the next step, more watching than acting. The Five of Wands is two people squabbling over small things; the arguments are lively but do not necessarily hurt anything fundamental. A spread full of Wands with no Cups means the excitement is real, but the feelings have not yet settled into anything solid.
Swords are communication and hurt. Was it said, and if so, how? The Two of Swords is not wanting to face it, covering one's eyes. The Three of Swords is a sharp pain with a specific source: a particular remark, a particular scene. The Eight of Swords is being trapped by oneself, feeling unable to leave when the door is not actually locked. In a relationship with many Swords, the trouble lies in thinking and talking more than in the heart.
Pentacles are commitment and daily life. Money, time, meeting the family, building a life together. The Two of Pentacles is juggling two things, looking for balance between love and work or between two people's rhythms. The Four of Pentacles is holding on tight, and in love it is often read as controlling behavior or a lack of security. The Ten of Pentacles is reaching the level of family: parents' approval, long-term plans. For questions about a long-term relationship, Pentacles say more than Cups.
Cups cover the feelings themselves. For the character of the four suits, see The Minor Arcana.
Cards people often ask about
- The Lovers. Upright, a relationship with attraction and with a choice in it; the card is about choosing as well as loving. Reversed, values that do not match, or refusing to choose when a choice is in front of you.
- Two of Cups. Upright, an equal exchange between two people, with feelings flowing both ways. Reversed, imbalance: one person keener than the other, or the exchange has broken off. In love this card carries more weight than its number suggests.
- Ten of Cups. Upright, fulfillment, family, a relationship with others' blessing. Reversed, fulfillment on the surface only: things at home left unsaid, or the fulfillment you want is a different kind from the one the other person wants.
- Three of Swords. Upright, the hurt has already happened and has a very specific source. Reversed, the worst of the pain is over and the swords are starting to come out; it may not mean forgiveness, but the wound is no longer left to bleed. On its own, this card shows pain. It cannot show betrayal; to decide what kind of hurt it is, you need other cards to confirm it.
- The Devil. Upright, in love it is usually read as a push and pull: knowing something is bad and still not being able to let it go, with physical attraction outweighing everything else. Reversed, starting to loosen the bonds and seeing clearly what has been holding you.
- The Tower. Upright, a sudden break: a confrontation, being found out, one sentence that overturns the relationship. In love it does not necessarily mean a breakup; more often it means "things can't go on the way they were." Reversed, a slow collapse, or you already know it is going to fall and are putting it off.
- Four of Pentacles. Upright, holding on, control, or treating love as possession. Reversed, letting go. That may mean giving up control, or it may mean something in the relationship can no longer be held onto; look at the rest of the spread.
The full meanings of these cards are on their own pages. Here we cover only how they shift when they land in love. For the three-way approach to reversals, see Reading Reversals.
Single, in the early flirting stage, or in a long-term relationship: different readings
The same card says different things depending on the stage of the relationship. Before reading, confirm which stage the querent is in.
Take the Four of Cups as an example. For someone single, it means "not interested": they see the opportunity held out in front of them and do not reach for it. In the early flirting stage, it means "can't get excited": the chatting has grown tired and the replies come more and more slowly. In a long-term relationship, it means "the spark has faded": the feelings are not dead, only dulled, a plateau after the passion has been used up. The three readings share one root, indifference to what one already has, but they land in completely different places.
Now take The Hermit. For someone single, it is a chosen period of solitude: getting clear about yourself first, then thinking about a relationship. In the early flirting stage, it means the other person, or you, is pulling back to think things through first. In a long-term relationship, it means the two of you are living separate lives; the relationship is still there, but you talk less.
So with a love question, the first thing to ask is the stage. Querents often cannot say for sure themselves ("I guess we're together," "it's kind of a flirting thing"). In that case ask one more question, about how often the two of them see each other and whether they have ever talked it through, so you know where the spread's positions should land.